|The Ancient Martial Art of Haw-Kwin-Do
Ever wondered just how it was that a handful of Hawklords fought off the massed forces
of the evil machine logic god Eye See Eye? Now we can reveal the secret of the Ancient
Martial Art of Haw-Kwin-Do - as practiced for 32 years by the Grand Master himself, Black
Belt (8th Dan) Dave Brock!!
History of Haw-Kwin-Do
In the year Mentet 1972, the meeting in the wooded Grove of Ladbroke (the glorious 27th) took place,
when all assembled pledged their loyalty to the Hawklords. It was at this point that Grand Master
Dave Brock unveiled the Ancient Martial Art of Haw-Kwin-Do, which he himself had honed in private
over a period of years. The Art was developed by the Grand Master using the tools of meditation,
purification, practice, intoxication, Gibson, Marshall and Coloursound. All present were awed by the
Grand Master's display of the art. But only those who were already accounted as Hawklords were
permitted to practice it. This situation obtained for many years. Only now, in Mentet 2001, are these
ancient secrets brought to you exclusively by Starfarer's Hawkwind Page...
Tenets of Haw-Kwin-Do
"Walk not the earth, but fly through space." This refers to the Art's emphasis on delivery of
blows against the enemy by means of flying kicks, like the Kadu Flyer illustrated above.
"We Do It." Haw-Kwin-Do is not a theoretical art, but must be practiced daily and employed against
evil forces whenever practical. At least three times a week, in fact.
"Brainbox Pollution." Full mastery of the Art cannot be attained by Mind alone. All the senses are
employed, and also that weird flap of skin known as the Perineum.
"Assault and Battery." Let us try to remember, of the fact that we are trying to beat the enemy to a
bloody, suppurating pulp of maimed and mangled flesh. Haw-Kwin-Do is not a girlie slap fight
"Angels of Death." In fact, when you attain Black Belt status, you can legally kill someone for being
too old, for falling asleep during the day, or for having unpleasant facial hair.
"Master of the Universe." Haw-Kwin-Do, when practiced at the highest levels, will make you a
Lord of the Cosmos. Step this way lads, it ain't no lie, try your luck and let destruction fly.
Above: the Kadu Flyer
Mag-Nu: the First Form
This was used by Grand Master Dave Brock to
single-handedly hospitalise all eight members of
Showaddywaddy, backstage in the Top Of The
Pops studio on 8th October 1972.
Opa-Loka: the Second Form
When Lemmy was threatened with sexual
assault by the Nolan Sisters, this was the
technique he used to subdue them. (Except
for the one that he actually did shag.)
|Further mysteries of the Ancient Martial art of Haw-Kwin-Do will be revealed in the time that is to come!