It’s time to sort the men from the boys and the sheep from the goats, since the former is illegal and the latter rather spoils the taste of the lamb chops you bought for dinner and no amount of mint sauce will disguise that fact. (You’re supposed to be a vegetarian, anyway.) What sort of Hawkwind fan are you? Are you a fanatical, fully-paid up Hairy-arsed Hawkwind fan? Have you coughed up the readies for Dave Brock’s pension fund? Have you ever had a cat or a girlfriend called Zarozinia? Take this test now and all will be revealed.
is All Saints Hall?
a) Forest Gate
b) Lancaster Gate
c) Notting Hill Gate
d) Somewhere else on the Central Line
2. Who played lead guitar at that first gig?
a) Dave Brock
b) Kid Rock
c) Dick Emery
d) Mick Slattery
3. The lead guitarist departed shortly before the recording of the first album. Was this to go:
a) To India?
b) To Ireland?
c) Shopping?
d) Shagging loads of young tarts?
4. For some unfathomable reason, Hawkwind quickly garnered a reputation as a ‘drug band’. Are drugs:
a) Safe as houses (houses with loads of drugs in them, that is)
b) The reason why Doremi Fasol Latido is so strangely produced?
c) The reason why every other album in the world is so strangely produced?
d) Nasty, evil and dangerous (**please send any drugs that you find to me for safe disposal**)
5. When asked “How much is a loaf of bread?”, what was Nik Turner’s reply?
a) Well, I didn’t know what was going on. Maybe I was really naïve, but I just thought the band was all
about peace and love.
b) I know this, because I live on a farm. Usually I just lie under cows and let it drip into my mouth.
How much is it? Erm, £3.50 a bag?
c) We never seemed to have any bread, no matter how many gigs we played or records we put out. I‘m
pretty sure Lemmy used to sneak into the dressing room before everyone else and eat all the
sandwiches.
d) Two hundred pounds.
6. Think this is all a bit stupid? OK then, what was the catalogue number of the original UA vinyl release (in
the UK) of ‘Hall Of The Mountain Grill’?
a) HOTMG1
b) 765 3 2243 11127
c) ‘Another Prime Cut by Porky’
d) UAG 29672
7. What was the name of the double live album that Hawkwind released in 1973?
a) Space Ritual
b) Space Ritual Volume 2
c) Space Ritual Alive in Liverpool and London
d) Yule Ritual London Astoria 29/12/2000
8. Who was the first drummer to fill in for the indisposed Terry Ollis in 1970-71?
a) Viv Prince
b) Simon King
c) DikMik
d) Sam Ollis
9. The two Hawkfests that took place in 2002 and 2003 were entirely vegetarian affairs. What was the most
popular breakfast ordered at the vegetarian café?
a) Thin, watery gruel with bits of dandelion poking out of it
b) Brown organic rice with brown organic marmalade served on the side
c) Smithfield grill: bacon, sausage, black pudding, 2 eggs, fried tomatoes, fried bread, baked beans,
devilled kidneys and a boiled lung stuffed with sweetbreads (Actually I cooked this for Jill…)
d) Mars bars
10. What is Hawkwind’s new album going to be called?
a) Destruction of the Death Generator
b) Take Me To Your Leader
c) The Wright Stuff
d) Better Late Than Never
Now add up your points:
1.a) = 2; 1.b) = 3; 1.c) = 4; 1.d) = 1
2.a) = 3; 2.b) = 2; 2.c) = 1; 2.d) = 4
3.a) = 3; 3.b) = 4; 3.c) = 2; 3.d) = 1
4.a) = 2; 4.b) = 4; 4.c) = 3; 4.d) = 1
5.a) = 4; 5.b) = 2; 5.c) = 1; 5.d) = 3
6.a) = 1; 6.b) = 3; 6.c) = 2; 6.d) = 4
7.a) = 3; 7.b) = 2; 7.c) = 4; 7.d) = 1
8.a) = 4; 8.b) = 3; 8.c) = 2; 8.d) = 1
9.a) = 1; 9.b) = 2; 9.c) = 3; 9.d) = 4
10.a) = 3; 10.b) = 4; 10.c) = 1; 10.d) = 2
If You Scored...
31-40: You’re completely mad. You eat, sleep and breathe Hawkwind. Your other half (if you have one, which is unlikely) despairs of ever being able to live a normal life with you in tow. You own all their albums on vinyl *and* CD, and you make everyone else listen to them. On the Hairy-Arsed Hawkwind fan scale, you don’t need a winter coat as you appear to have grown your own.
21-30: Verging on the obsessive. Posterior definitely on the furry side, although you probably listen to other bands besides Hawkwind (on the radio) and might even own a couple of CD’s not by them. Your other half is a Hawkwind Widow but is not contemplating leaving you just yet. Purchase of the Psychedelic Warriors / White Zone CD could tip you (and your other half) over the edge, though.
11-20: You are disappointingly normal, enjoying Hawkwind as one among a number of other bands. You probably own no more than 2 Hawkwind T-shirts (buy more from Mission Control immediately) and have a bottom no more hirsute than that of the person in the adjacent cubicle (er, don’t squirm under the partition to check...)
0-10: You, Sir (or Madam), are a fraud and an impostor. You evidently stumbled across this web page by doing a web search for “drugs” (or “how much is a loaf of bread”), and plainly have a butt as smooth as a new-born babe’s. I bet you’ve never seen Hawkwind play live and think Silver Machine was the best (only?) thing they ever did. Shame on you.
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